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  • J.S.W 2024

    • 55


    Architainment tours

    Tours which started at the carpet and entered hidden spaces of the castle. The tour focused on the content of the residency and my take on the casino nature of the castle.
    Architainment tours

    Tours which started at the carpet and entered hidden spaces of the castle. The tour focused on the content of the residency and my take on the casino nature of the castle.

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    Excerpt from film accompanying carpet and tour. 2016.
    Excerpt from film accompanying carpet and tour. 2016.

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    Tom Wagstaff’s mould of City Hall in jelly
    Tom Wagstaff’s mould of City Hall in jelly

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    Tom Wagstaff’s mould of City Hall in silicone
    Tom Wagstaff’s mould of City Hall in silicone

    • 48


    •   sew velvet skirt
    •   fix jumper elbows
    •   riff
    •   washing
    •   water plants

    •   my sheets really need changing. there’s a big tea stain by my shoulder and it might be too old for dr. beckmann stain remover to work. The stain remover that works on tea also does mould, bird droppings, sweat, vomit and urine. useful. I have another that does oil, fat, blood and semen.

    •   I found something to fight for, but i can’t tell anyone. I tried to tell you last week, but you were too busy to listen. Everything else worth fighting for has been made into a t-shirt and bought by Theresa May’s stylist. Capitalism has a way of making managers of us all.

    •   I only like staring at the sea these days.

    •   I only read quit-lit now.

    •   i only have time to write in bullet points.

    •   I’ve got a plan if everything turns on me. This text is a recruitment offer if everything has turned on you. It’s for an all women plumbing business called fallopian tubes. we engrave feminist texts onto the copper tubes we install. There are relevant quotes depending on what room the pipes are in - you know. kitchen. bedroom. bathroom. You can imagine the quotes. Don’t steal the idea bitch. but if you want to join me email: mytubesareyourtubes@gmail.com

    •   I’ve got a quit-lit dream of doing the same thing but in a hot country, with better food, cheaper beer and no brexit.

    •   I’ve got these bamboo socks on. they are so silky that i feel extremely

    •  

    •   i have no time to finish sentences.

    •   Staring at the sea is nice.

    •   imagine having a tutorial with Kate bush before she wrote hounds of love, and she said to you “hey mentor, i’m writing this song and in the chorus i’m going to woof like a dog to the tune, like this: “ruff-ruff-ruff-ruff-ruff-r-ruff … the hounds of love are cooommmiing.” What would you say? would you say go for it? as a tutor - that’s got to keep you up at night thinking your opinion could have stopped kate bush.

    •   help me darling. help me please. take my shoes off… i don’t know what’s good for me. i don’t know what’s goooood for me. ruff-ruff-ruff-ruff-ruff-r-ruff

    •   dear mama, sorry i missed mother’s day, this year has been so busy and strange. we’ve had some karaoke parties with the second years. they sing 90s songs and i wonder if they’re fucking with me.

    •   Page break (ideal)

    •   if you’ve got this far i have a secret to tell you

    •   promise you’ll keep it secret?

    •   Yeah?

    •   oh wait, i forgot it.

    •   i made a love potion once. it had a lock of hair from the person i wanted to fall in love with me. i collected this when he got his hair cut in our studio. i added petals from the first rose i could find in springtime, some lovage leaves, 5 pricked sloe berries, and the toenail of a deer. You have to heat it up and mix it all together in a Woolworths saucepan bought just before they went bust (RARE). You can’t use any non-stick crap. Then finally you add another hair lock from someone whose fallen in love for the first time, cos , you know, the first cut is the deepest. that’s why i used to hang around clubs, just to harvest the hair of young lovers. but that’s not why i teach.

    •   to make bircher muesli take a cup of oats, a cup of milk, a grated apple and some nice shit, mix it all up and then leave it in the fridge overnight. done.
    •   sew velvet skirt
    •   fix jumper elbows
    •   riff
    •   washing
    •   water plants

    •   my sheets really need changing. there’s a big tea stain by my shoulder and it might be too old for dr. beckmann stain remover to work. The stain remover that works on tea also does mould, bird droppings, sweat, vomit and urine. useful. I have another that does oil, fat, blood and semen.

    •   I found something to fight for, but i can’t tell anyone. I tried to tell you last week, but you were too busy to listen. Everything else worth fighting for has been made into a t-shirt and bought by Theresa May’s stylist. Capitalism has a way of making managers of us all.

    •   I only like staring at the sea these days.

    •   I only read quit-lit now.

    •   i only have time to write in bullet points.

    •   I’ve got a plan if everything turns on me. This text is a recruitment offer if everything has turned on you. It’s for an all women plumbing business called fallopian tubes. we engrave feminist texts onto the copper tubes we install. There are relevant quotes depending on what room the pipes are in - you know. kitchen. bedroom. bathroom. You can imagine the quotes. Don’t steal the idea bitch. but if you want to join me email: mytubesareyourtubes@gmail.com

    •   I’ve got a quit-lit dream of doing the same thing but in a hot country, with better food, cheaper beer and no brexit.

    •   I’ve got these bamboo socks on. they are so silky that i feel extremely

    •  

    •   i have no time to finish sentences.

    •   Staring at the sea is nice.

    •   imagine having a tutorial with Kate bush before she wrote hounds of love, and she said to you “hey mentor, i’m writing this song and in the chorus i’m going to woof like a dog to the tune, like this: “ruff-ruff-ruff-ruff-ruff-r-ruff … the hounds of love are cooommmiing.” What would you say? would you say go for it? as a tutor - that’s got to keep you up at night thinking your opinion could have stopped kate bush.

    •   help me darling. help me please. take my shoes off… i don’t know what’s good for me. i don’t know what’s goooood for me. ruff-ruff-ruff-ruff-ruff-r-ruff

    •   dear mama, sorry i missed mother’s day, this year has been so busy and strange. we’ve had some karaoke parties with the second years. they sing 90s songs and i wonder if they’re fucking with me.

    •   Page break (ideal)

    •   if you’ve got this far i have a secret to tell you

    •   promise you’ll keep it secret?

    •   Yeah?

    •   oh wait, i forgot it.

    •   i made a love potion once. it had a lock of hair from the person i wanted to fall in love with me. i collected this when he got his hair cut in our studio. i added petals from the first rose i could find in springtime, some lovage leaves, 5 pricked sloe berries, and the toenail of a deer. You have to heat it up and mix it all together in a Woolworths saucepan bought just before they went bust (RARE). You can’t use any non-stick crap. Then finally you add another hair lock from someone whose fallen in love for the first time, cos , you know, the first cut is the deepest. that’s why i used to hang around clubs, just to harvest the hair of young lovers. but that’s not why i teach.

    •   to make bircher muesli take a cup of oats, a cup of milk, a grated apple and some nice shit, mix it all up and then leave it in the fridge overnight. done.

    • 47



    • 46


    Necklace. Pressed and blackened Silver, Fine Silver, Brass, Silk Rope.
    Necklace. Pressed and blackened Silver, Fine Silver, Brass, Silk Rope.