Joanne Wardrop

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Life isn’t always cake. When it is. Enjoy it.

Life isn’t always cake. When it is. Enjoy it.
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109

Smiling or Not Smiling?

Smiling or Not Smiling?
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Film/effect workshop at goldsmiths BA design with Steven Ounanian

Film/effect workshop at goldsmiths BA design with Steven Ounanian
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106

this room is a mess.
this room is where i work.
but this room is also where wet washing comes to dry. Where clothes are made and fixed. where old toys and shoes come before they are shoved in the loft. where the computer we mark students work on is. where drill batteries are charged. where flowers are dried before i make them into anti-aging face oil. and where children beg to watch youtube clips while i attempt to do admin.

In this room where i work, household objects come and go, but me and my work make roots and stay put.

this room is a mess.
this room is where i work.
but this room is also where wet washing comes to dry. Where clothes are made and fixed. where old toys and shoes come before they are shoved in the loft. where the computer we mark students work on is. where drill batteries are charged. where flowers are dried before i make them into anti-aging face oil. and where children beg to watch youtube clips while i attempt to do admin.

In this room where i work, household objects come and go, but me and my work make roots and stay put.
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103

Brooch/Object. Fine Silver, 9ct gold, Brass, String, Gum Arabic, Titanium.

Brooch/Object. Fine Silver, 9ct gold, Brass, String, Gum Arabic, Titanium.
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LIFE IS NOT ALWAYS CAKE. I WAS PREGNANT FOR THE FIRST TIME. THEY FOUND BIG PARTS OF HIS BRAIN WERE MISSING. BLACK HOLES WHERE BRAIN MATTER SHOULD BE. HE DIED INSIDE ME. I GAVE BIRTH IN A MORPHINE HAZE AND TOLD EVERYONE NOT TO BE SAD BECAUSE HE WAS HERE. THEN I CRIED. FOR A LONG TIME.

SOME TIME LATER WE PLUCKED UP ENOUGH COURAGE TO GET PREGNANT AGAIN. MISCARRIAGE. NEXT TIME IT STUCK. HE WAS BORN IN A WARM BATH. EYES OPEN. READY FOR ANYTHING. SOMETHING WAS WRONG THOUGH. BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU’RE CRAZY OR EVERYONE ELSE SAYING EVERYTHING IS OK ARE THE CRAZY ONES?

HE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH STAGE TWO CANCER AT 10 MONTHS. THE TUMOUR HAD BEEN GROWING SINCE HE WAS INSIDE ME. IT HAD CLOSED ONE LUNG AND WAS WRAPPING AROUND HIS WINDPIPE. HICKMAN LINE. CHEMOTHERAPY. ALL CLEAR. RECOVERY. THINGS SEEN YOU NEVER THOUGHT WOULD BE SEEN.

WE HAVE ANOTHER BOY NOW. A PREGNANCY FILLED WITH IMAGINED FEARS FROM OURSELVES AND THE DOCTORS. WE ARE ALL TRAINED TO SEE SHADOWS OF MONSTERS EVERYWHERE. HE IS HEALTHY. THEY ARE BOTH HEALTHY. IT IS HARD TO BELIEVE IT SOMETIMES.

FOR A LONG TIME MY PRACTICE BECAME A SERIES OF DRAWINGS AND WRITINGS OF IMAGINED WORKS. ABOUT SICKNESS. READY TO MAKE WHEN THE SICKNESS HAD PASSED. LIKE FUEL BEING ADDED TO A FIRE. WAITING FOR A MATCH TO STRIKE.

I ONLY SAY THIS TO TRY AND EXPLAIN WHAT I AM AND WHERE I HAVE BEEN. I AM TRYING TO RE-ENTER A WORLD NOT RULED BY SICKNESS AND DEATH. IT IS SOMETIMES EASY. IT IS SOMETIMES HARD. IF YOU’RE READING THIS, THANKS FOR STICKING WITH ME.

NO WONDER MOTHER’S ARE BAT SHIT CRAZY.

LIFE IS NOT ALWAYS CAKE. I WAS PREGNANT FOR THE FIRST TIME. THEY FOUND BIG PARTS OF HIS BRAIN WERE MISSING. BLACK HOLES WHERE BRAIN MATTER SHOULD BE. HE DIED INSIDE ME. I GAVE BIRTH IN A MORPHINE HAZE AND TOLD EVERYONE NOT TO BE SAD BECAUSE HE WAS HERE. THEN I CRIED. FOR A LONG TIME.

SOME TIME LATER WE PLUCKED UP ENOUGH COURAGE TO GET PREGNANT AGAIN. MISCARRIAGE. NEXT TIME IT STUCK. HE WAS BORN IN A WARM BATH. EYES OPEN. READY FOR ANYTHING. SOMETHING WAS WRONG THOUGH. BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU’RE CRAZY OR EVERYONE ELSE SAYING EVERYTHING IS OK ARE THE CRAZY ONES?

HE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH STAGE TWO CANCER AT 10 MONTHS. THE TUMOUR HAD BEEN GROWING SINCE HE WAS INSIDE ME. IT HAD CLOSED ONE LUNG AND WAS WRAPPING AROUND HIS WINDPIPE. HICKMAN LINE. CHEMOTHERAPY. ALL CLEAR. RECOVERY. THINGS SEEN YOU NEVER THOUGHT WOULD BE SEEN.

WE HAVE ANOTHER BOY NOW. A PREGNANCY FILLED WITH IMAGINED FEARS FROM OURSELVES AND THE DOCTORS. WE ARE ALL TRAINED TO SEE SHADOWS OF MONSTERS EVERYWHERE. HE IS HEALTHY. THEY ARE BOTH HEALTHY. IT IS HARD TO BELIEVE IT SOMETIMES.

FOR A LONG TIME MY PRACTICE BECAME A SERIES OF DRAWINGS AND WRITINGS OF IMAGINED WORKS. ABOUT SICKNESS. READY TO MAKE WHEN THE SICKNESS HAD PASSED. LIKE FUEL BEING ADDED TO A FIRE. WAITING FOR A MATCH TO STRIKE.

I ONLY SAY THIS TO TRY AND EXPLAIN WHAT I AM AND WHERE I HAVE BEEN. I AM TRYING TO RE-ENTER A WORLD NOT RULED BY SICKNESS AND DEATH. IT IS SOMETIMES EASY. IT IS SOMETIMES HARD. IF YOU’RE READING THIS, THANKS FOR STICKING WITH ME.

NO WONDER MOTHER’S ARE BAT SHIT CRAZY.